![\"\u2615\"](\"https:\/\/s.w.org\/images\/core\/emoji\/15.1.0\/svg\/2615.svg\")
\u00a0Milk and Cereal: Presented in the most exquisite porcelain dish.<\/p>\nMy mother-in-law refused to help out when she moved in, saying she was just a \u201cguest\u201d in our house. I became inventive and gave her the VIP treatment until she was unable to handle it any longer, rather than throwing her out.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t anticipate being my mother-in-law\u2019s personal maid, but I also didn\u2019t anticipate her being a tidy freak.<\/p>\n
Upon hearing that Jason\u2019s mother, Linda, had sold her apartment and was in need of a place to stay \u201cfor a little while,\u201d I was hesitant. She had been critical of everything from my cooking to the way I folded towels the last time we had spent more than a weekend together.<\/p>\n
Jason said, \u201cJust until she figures things out,\u201d as if that would help.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow long is \u2018a little while\u2019?\u201d Already regretting the discussion, I asked.<\/p>\n
He gave a shrug. \u201cA few weeks? A month, perhaps?<\/p>\n
Knowing that I would regret this, I sighed. \u201cAll right. However, we must establish ground rules.<\/p>\n
Jason said without hesitation, \u201cOf course,\u201d which was the first error he made: he assumed he would assist in enforcing anything.<\/p>\n
The next weekend, Linda moved in with three bags, a bunch of houseplants, and little regard for personal space.<\/p>\n
I first told myself it wouldn\u2019t be that horrible. She unpacked and brought organic tea into my kitchen, which she never drank, and she made passive-aggressive remarks about how \u201cyoung people these days\u201d rely too much on microwaves rather than \u201creal cooking.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was painfully obvious by the second week that Linda was more than a passing visitor. She was a constant source of trouble.<\/p>\n
Her promise to rinse the dishes later never materialized, so she left them on the table. Her fingerprints and cosmetics were all over my bathroom mirror, serving as a continual reminder that she had no intention of cleaning anything.<\/p>\n
Doing laundry? She didn\u2019t do her own, I see. Rather, as if I was yearning to wash her sweatpants with my work shirts, she dumped her garments carelessly into my hamper.<\/p>\n
I made an effort to be kind.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, Linda, do you mind tossing your towel in the hamper?\u201d<\/p>\n
She smiled at me, innocent and naive. \u201cOh, I\u2019m just a visitor, honey! You wouldn\u2019t ask a visitor to help with household duties, would you?<\/p>\n
A visitor. in the house I purchased.<\/p>\n
Jason, however, was completely worthless.<\/p>\n
He told me, \u201cShe\u2019s my mom, babe,\u201d after I vented to him. \u201cCan\u2019t we just let her be comfortable?\u201d<\/p>\n
cozy.<\/p>\n
While I was running around cleaning up after two grownups, she was living like a king or queen.<\/p>\n
I suppressed my annoyance and moved on.<\/p>\n
Until the event with the coffee.<\/p>\n
Saturday AM. It was the single morning I could really unwind and my one day to sleep in. I barely woke up as I went into the kitchen, immediately yearning my special coffee, the pricey brand I had purchased as a tiny treat for myself, the one thing that would make me feel human.<\/p>\n
There she was.<\/p>\n
Linda, seated at my table, consuming the last cup from my favorite mug.<\/p>\n
I forced myself to remain composed while I looked at her, but my eyes kept going to the sink. I had a whole mess to clean up, including three plates, a coffee cup, and crumbs all over the place.<\/p>\n
I inhaled deeply and slowly. \u201cLinda, would you mind helping with the dishes today?\u201d<\/p>\n
She didn\u2019t even raise her eyes.<\/p>\n
With an abrasive gesture, she remarked, \u201cOh, sweetheart,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m sure you\u2019ll get to it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Something broke inside of me. I didn\u2019t shout, however. I refrained from arguing.<\/p>\n
I grinned.<\/p>\n
Because a lovely, ideal thought began to take shape in my mind at that same instant.<\/p>\n
Did Linda want to be considered a guest? Alright. She was going to get precisely that treatment from me.<\/p>\n
I played the ideal host for the following week, grinning charmingly while I executed my strategy. I stopped bugging her, complaining, and most definitely asking her to tidy up after herself. Rather, I ensured she had the whole guest experience.<\/p>\n
A cleanly printed menu was on Linda\u2019s bedside when she got up on Monday. It said, in beautiful calligraphy, at the top:<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Family B&B welcomes you! Kindly choose your free breakfast selection.<\/p>\n
Three easy options were listed below:<\/p>\n
\u00a0Milk and Cereal: Presented in the most exquisite porcelain dish.<\/p>\n
Butter & Toast: Perfectly lightly crisped.<\/p>\n
Chef\u2019s Surprise: A pleasant surprise derived from leftovers from the previous night.<\/p>\n
Looking perplexed, Linda entered the kitchen with a menu in hand. \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d<\/p>\n
A cheery \u201cOh, just a little something I put together,\u201d I said. \u201cI know you\u2019re a guest, so I figured you shouldn\u2019t have to fend for yourself in the mornings.\u201d<\/p>\n
She scowled. \u201cWhere\u2019s my omelet, though? On Mondays, you always cook eggs.<\/p>\n
I looked at her empathetically. \u201cI\u2019m sorry! The free stay does not include the enhanced breakfast package. I indicated the counter. \u201cWould you like cereal or toast?\u201d<\/p>\n
Despite her sigh, she accepted the cereal.<\/p>\n
For me, it\u2019s a little win.<\/p>\n
Linda had a little tendency of staying up late watching YouTube and browsing Facebook, laughing at videos while the rest of us struggled to go asleep. I then presented my next modification.<\/p>\n
At around 11 p.m. on Tuesday, I turned off the WiFi router.<\/p>\n
Linda raced out of her room not five minutes later. \u201cEmma! The internet isn\u2019t functioning.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, right,\u201d I said, suppressing a hush. \u201cWe now have an automated shut-off mechanism. It lowers online dangers and maintains the seamless operation of our home security system.<\/p>\n
She blinked. \u201cThat is absurd. I was in the midst of a performance.<\/p>\n
House rules, sorry! At 7 a.m., it restarts. Enjoy your evening.<\/p>\n
She stormed back to her room, muttering something under her breath.<\/p>\n
I increased the ante by Wednesday. I always placed a laminated notice in the vicinity after cleaning up her mess:<\/p>\n
\u201cWorking on housekeeping! \u201cDon\u2019t disturb me!\u201d<\/p>\n
After removing her makeup smudges, she placed one on the bathroom mirror. After cleaning her crusty dishes, she found another in the kitchen. She put crumbs on the sofa, and one hung over it in a theatrical fashion.<\/p>\n
Every time she saw one, she frowned. \u201cWhat\u2019s with all these signs?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, it\u2019s just a reminder that housekeeping is an important part of any guest experience,\u201d I said with a grin.<\/p>\n
She twitched her eye. I almost felt guilty. Nearly.<\/p>\n
I quit preparing supper by Thursday. Rather, I left Linda\u2019s room with a nicely piled stack of takeout menus.<\/p>\n
She stood in the kitchen that night, looking confused. \u201cWhat\u2019s for dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, I thought you may like to choose for yourself! I handed her a menu and stated, \u201cGuests should have options.\u201d \u201cDown the street is a fantastic Chinese restaurant. or pizza, depending on your mood.<\/p>\n
She pursed her lips. \u201cBut you always cook.\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave a shrug. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to force anything. Have fun!\u201d<\/p>\n
Naturally, Jason just took a menu and followed it, as uninformed as ever.<\/p>\n
Linda discovered an envelope on her dresser on Sunday morning. There was a well-written invoice inside:<\/p>\n
$50 for laundry services<\/p>\n
$30 for maid service<\/p>\n
\u00a0$20 for coffee and breakfast supplies<\/p>\n
$15 hotel convenience fee<\/p>\n
I had written at the bottom:<\/p>\n
\u201cWe appreciate your stay at the Family B&B! Kindly pay the remaining amount at the conclusion of your visit.<\/p>\n
I heard a furious gasp coming from down the hall as I was halfway through my first cup of coffee. I could tell right away that this was going to be excellent.<\/p>\n
I placed the bill on her dresser, and a few seconds later Linda raced into the kitchen, brandishing it. Her lips were squeezed together so firmly that they almost vanished, and her face was flushed.<\/p>\n
She yelled, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d and shook the paper at me as if I had offended her directly.<\/p>\n
I sipped my coffee slowly once again. Just a bill for your stay, I see. standard prices for hospitality.<\/p>\n
Her eyes almost burst from her skull. \u201cI am not paying to live in my own son\u2019s house!\u201d<\/p>\n
I cocked my head. \u201cOh? I mistook you for a visitor. And, Linda, visitors don\u2019t stay for free.<\/p>\n
She was momentarily too astonished to talk. She then turned to face Jason, who had just entered and was still wiping his eyes from sleep.<\/p>\n
She stammered, \u201cJason,\u201d and pushed the bill toward him. \u201cYour wife is trying to charge me for staying here!\u201d<\/p>\n
Jason glanced at me and then at the page.<\/p>\n
\u201cBabe,\u201d he replied gently, \u201cis this real?\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave a charming grin. \u201cObviously not. She\u2019s not really being charged by me. All I\u2019m doing is following her reasoning. Instead of cleaning up after themselves, guests pay for service.<\/p>\n
Jason\u2019s comprehension set in as he glanced between his mother and myself. Linda\u2019s mouth, meanwhile, was opening and closing like a fish that is struggling to breathe.<\/p>\n
She said, \u201cThis is ridiculous!\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t feel welcome here anymore!\u201d<\/p>\n
I arched an eyebrow.<\/p>\n
Then she said it\u2014oh, that was lovely.<\/p>\n
\u201cI guess I\u2019ll just find somewhere else to stay!\u201d<\/p>\n
I gave Jason a look that screamed, \u201cI dare you to argue,\u201d even if he hesitated. He rubbed his face and moaned.<\/p>\n
\u201cMom\u2026 maybe that\u2019s for the best.\u201d<\/p>\n
And in less than a week, Linda was gone.<\/p>\n
The home was quiet once again. There are no more soiled dishes on the table. Don\u2019t put towels on my furniture any more. No more waking up to remarks that are passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n
With his guilt now gone, Jason said, \u201cOkay\u2026 maybe you had a point.\u201d<\/p>\n
And me? I lay down on my guest-free sofa, poured myself a new cup of my special coffee, and reveled in my triumph.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s possible that Linda was too unique to pick up after herself. However, in the end?<\/p>\n
She immediately cleared herself out of my place.<\/p>\n
If you liked this tale, you should read this one as well: For years, I had been simply another elderly guy behind the counter, fading into the backdrop. Then, one day, a young guy entered my grocery store and started talking to me as if we had been friends for years. The extent to which he would transform my life was beyond my wildest expectations.<\/p>\n
Although this work has been dramatized for artistic reasons, it is based on actual individuals and events. To preserve privacy and improve the story, names, characters, and specifics have been altered. Any likeness to real people\u2014living or dead\u2014or real events is entirely accidental and not the author\u2019s intention.<\/p>\n
The publisher and author disclaim all liability for any misunderstanding and offer no guarantees on the veracity of events or character portrayals. This tale is presented \u201cas is,\u201d and the opinions stated are those of the characters and do not represent the publisher\u2019s or author\u2019s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My mother-in-law refused to help out when she moved in, saying she was just a \u201cguest\u201d in our house. I became inventive and gave her the VIP treatment until she was unable to handle it any longer, rather than throwing her out. I didn\u2019t anticipate being my mother-in-law\u2019s personal maid, but I also didn\u2019t anticipate…<\/p>\n